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Student-Teacher Relationships
It is said that within the students a teacher can find a Guru I learn more from my students then from any teacher out thereThe student and teacher grow together
The following is a skeletal structure…
Detachment Detachment is a major feature of a teacher’s role. From here a fresh perspective can be offered. When it is time the teacher will let go although the connection may last a lifetime.
Advisory Role A teacher offers an advisory role. This is meant to stimulate a student’s direction. In the end the student makes the final decision and lives with the consequences. A teacher has no direct authority to decide on or make any changes in a student’s life.
A Non-Economic Relationship Profit is not the primary motive for teachers. The relationship is considered non-economic. Money is nothing more then a byproduct of the relationship. Teachers practicing traditional methods of payment have their students pay what they have up to a certain amount. Traditional teachers are reachable by all socioeconomic groups.
Surrender Surrender is the cornerstone of the relationship. From here the teacher sets the tone and the student follows. The teacher asks the questions and the student answers. Surrender allows the teacher to see what’s within the student. Without surrender there is a limited relationship.
Confidentiality Information disclosed by the student is classified. With confidentiality surrender is made possible. Most private students remain unknown.
Empathy Is the ability to identify with and understand another person’s feelings or difficulties. Teachers can often identify (classify, analyze, describe) from within the student’s emotions. The emotions or physical pains, of the student, may transfer into the teacher. The latter is usually temporary.
The Great Irony Many teachers have undergone a multitude of life experience. They tend to have sorted through life experiences and the emotions associated with them only to understand the route causes of those emotions. From the route causes is where wisdom is derived. It has been said, “one must fall in order to come together”. Teachers are usually facilitating the “coming together” of a student. Pain on various levels when healed leads to hidden treasures within.
True teachers have worn many shoes. By this they are able to understand which shoe fits for them and their students. Their experiences allow them to empathize with a student’s situation, which enables them to influence a student’s direction.
Information A teacher delivers information according to the readiness or competence of a student to learn. In addition to the latter the student must be worthy of the knowledge, experience, energy, earned and developed by the teacher.
Energy It can be damaging on both sides if a teacher parcels out information prematurely. What a teacher puts in must come back from the student. At the least a student must have a deep respect for the teacher. A student without deep respect for the teacher will reciprocate polluted energy. This is dangerous to both sides. Before and during the relationship an experienced teacher can read into your essence and know your thoughts. This is why established teachers choose their pupils and not the other way around.
Acceptance You have to be accepted by the teacher. Most westerners believe that the relationship begins on the first lesson. You are not a student until you come repetitiously over an undefined period of time. The teacher, through intuition and accomplished goals, determines acceptance. One of my teachers said to me after two months and twenty to thirty lessons, “You have been accepted”. This was followed by a bow. Acceptance is not always verbalized.
Development If a student can not be developed in a practice then the student can not be developed in other areas. At this point the teacher must leave since there is nothing to offer. The teacher is only a guide that provides tools. The practice and the path to enlightenment is consummated by the student.
Dismissal Dismissal is likely to be for a defined period of time. This may occur after the first lesson or after one or more years. A student upon his or her return might be subject to certain “Tests”. Tests might be extremely simple to follow. Your unwillingness/difficulty in complying only results in further dismissal. The test is meant to surrender the ego.
Examples of extreme “Tests”: In the martial realms I knew a master that subjected his student to a five-mile run. After carrying a 5-gallon bottle of water for one hour conclusion was full contact sparring. There is a yoga teacher who had his student do Warrior Two and Plank repeatedly on a public sidewalk. The type of test is to reciprocate the reason for dismissal.
Status A teacher is not influenced by your status. A student’s: socioeconomic status, gender, age, sexual orientation, beauty, and educational experience are left at the door. Your lineage, accomplishments of your offspring, and the 9-5 career does not matter. Do not allow your ego to grow. The breakdown of the ego, according to one school of thought, is a step to enlightenment. If this can not be done then dismissal may follow.
Demanding A student never demands from the teacher. There is a fine line between demanding and asking. Both of the latter tends to be dead ends. A teacher delivers according to the readiness of both sides. A teacher provides what the student is capable of receiving.
Seeking A teacher is not supposed to seek from students. That is the general rule of thumb but it is not applied rigidly. There are gray areas. Some of you do notice my bad days. My face can’t always hide it. I do appreciate students who are tuned into me. A student once sat with me over tea on one of my more darker days. During that half an hour I said almost nothing. She didn’t know what was wrong and she knew not to ask.
Speaking Unfavorably Try not to speak ill of another teacher. Refrain from boasting about your teacher against that of another person’s. Some are very close to a chosen teacher. It is like comparing siblings.
Students Students are measured in their ability to absorb information while reciprocating deference. New students are never measured by their ability. They are measured by how they approach the challenges laid down by the teacher. There is a saying… Giving it your best without letting it rest is better then best. All a teacher can ask from a student is their best.
Teachers Teachers are extensions of their masters. Average teachers are merely mimicking their masters. The great teachers have found the master within from which they project.
Teachers are not measured by what they know. They are measured by what they can instill. True teachers are supposed to enable their students to become self sufficient, strong and independent people who choose to be with them. Quality teachers remove codependency and or attachment from the relationship. The ultimate goal of teachers is to make students into masters. By doing the latter the student is free. Students who experience this should never forget where the direction came from.
The quality of the teacher is defined through the student’s practice. As the student grows so does the teacher. Thus the student’s progression is the teacher’s top concern.
Exposure A student should expose themselves to other styles. Once in a while go about town and try another teacher. Keep an open mind and do not become fixed to one style. Then come back and show your teacher what you learned. A student doing this must be surrendered to the new teacher.
Internal & External Teaching Styles External teaching styles are the most traditional and effective. The teacher is a mystery. Nobody knows anything about the teacher. In private the teacher speaks little to nothing of himself. This can be a highly authoritative form of teaching often-demanding formality. You are often told. The teacher will not fraternize with the student. This style is comparable to a stern yet distant father who expresses love through discipline. The teacher chooses to stand completely on the outside of the student’s life.
Internal teaching styles are comparable to friendships. Ritual may not be strictly practiced. Here the teacher will share more of a life lived. Teachers practicing internal forms of teaching demand a high degree of self-sufficiency. The teacher can not have any void that needs to be fulfilled by the student. It is up to the teacher to set the limits and stay within them. It is up to the student to recognize and follow limits set by the teacher.
External teaching styles don’t have a long shelf life. They are referred to as yang in Chinese or male oriented styles. Such styles are hard and stiff. A classic external teacher is a military drill sergeant. Internal forms of teaching styles have a longer life. They are in Chinese referred to as yin or feminine oriented styles. Such styles are soft and gentle. External forms of teaching almost inevitably lead to internal. It is destructive/limited for both sides if the relationship stays overly external for a long period of time. For the purpose of longevity the teaching style must go internal.
When man is born he is soft and gentle. When man dies he is hard and stiff. Thus flows life for the soft and gentle. “It” is “The Way”
Spiritual Merger Not every crony becomes a best friend: similarly not all student teacher relations will develop into deep spiritual connections. Private students tend to merge more since there is more shared but relations at the group level have been known to go deeper then many privates. Group relations have been known to create strong connections without words exchanged amongst as many as twenty or more students. How or why spiritual mergers come to be is not fully explainable. One example of the depths of the relationship is when the teacher dreams or feels the spirit of a student and vice versa. Each relationship is unique. You are all individuals and therefore the relationships are unique on various levels. The timing of the merger is unpredictable. Some are immediate and some can take months to years. Patterns of mergers are also unpredictable. Dreams and visions can range from 1 or 2 a year to 5 a week with gaps in between lasting for days, weeks or months. There is no pattern / predictability. Some students have dreamt my arrival months in advance. It is said that when the student is ready the teacher comes.
I can never forget my first teacher. Over three years, five to six days a week, for three to five hours a day I was with him. It has been 15 years since my last lesson with him. I see him once or twice a year in dreams. This is the deep spiritual connection that students seek. You can never seek what can’t be seen. It simply happens. My first teacher and I did not have one personal conversation. In that relationship I earned what money can never buy. He can be seen through me.
This changes as my perspective evolves This is merely a skeletal structure of the relationship… there are always gray areas |